"Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord, save me!'" Matthew 14:29b-30
This week my brain has been hard to settle down enough to sit and write.
I’ve struggled with this blog post more than I think I ever have before.
Honestly, I’ve felt homesick. I miss Kitgum. I miss Brian terribly. I miss the people, and our dogs.
And just like Peter, instead of rising above my circumstances, I looked at them and felt myself struggling for air but instead getting bitter water and tumultuous waves. In other words, I focused too much on myself and not on HIM. Thus, my struggle.
I’ve been busy thinking and doing and wondering and longing, and I have been coming to God each day with the crumbs and leftovers and asking Him to bless them. I have been overindulging myself in worry and trying out my own strategies only to fail and find myself spiritually malnourished. I realized how very hungry I was when I finally sat down today to discipline myself to write something. It’s never a struggle like this.
God fills me and pours into me and speaks to me, and then I am delighted to pour that out to others through this blog and the other platforms He has entrusted to me. Needless to say, I had to repent. Then I had to remember that there’s no condemnation and not get stuck there. Finally, I needed to resolve that through the ups and downs I must always abide in and walk by the Spirit so that I don’t try to take over, make my own plans, and come up empty. So I can take a breath and be in His Presence and worship Him- the very thing that I was created for.
So if doing this blog ever becomes something that I have to trudge through and not something that I feel called to do, I will stop writing. There will be no point. I hope that doesn’t happen. I hope I can stay focused and filled, even through the trials. But if you notice me drop off the digital map, that will be why.
I will wrap this up here, so I can go hide away with the Lord for a while. I need to re-fix my eyes and my heart upon Him. In being busy about His business, I need to make being WITH Him my #1 business.That’s a balance that can only be found when I am close to my Daddy. And when I go through struggles, and find it hard because of the circumstances, I don’t have to sugarcoat it or ignore it. I can curl up in HIS lap, tell Him all about it, and ask Him to take charge and do what I cannot. Then I can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that even through the pain, He’s got this, and He’s got me.
I pray that you, too, will make being with Him your main business, amongst all the ups and downs that this life may throw your way.
PS- I know I said I was finished, but just one more morsel for you to chew on. :)
Peter had the courage to step out of the boat. I love that. Maybe some of you are courageous but later wonder what on earth you’re doing. If you are walking courageously in God's plan, don't doubt His Presence. Keep looking up. When Peter looked down, he cried out for help and immediately Jesus picked him up. Jesus asked why Peter doubted HIS ability to do the impossible. But Jesus never gave up on Peter and never stopped reaching out for him for the rest of his life. The same is true for you and I today.
We sometimes get sidetracked, but as soon as we cry out to Him, He is right there to pick us up and bring us safely along on an otherwise impossible journey.